Storm the Fortress
by paganpunk2
Summary: When River catches Jayne in the middle of a very unlikely activity, her interest in newly revealed aspects of his character is peaked. Pre-Rayne if you like.
1. Stumbling Blocks

Jayne looked up as the girl entered the room. He had known it was her coming practically from the first audible footstep that had reached him; he knew all of their treads, in all of their moods. That fact had scared him a little at first. _If I know them that well, means they've got to know stuff about me, _he had realized. _Been a long time since I was around the same folks long enough for any of 'em to get to be knowing stuff about me._ He wasn't entirely sure he liked the idea. Knowledge, his ma had reminded him constantly when he was a boy, was power. _They've got knowledge of me, means they've got power over me, maybe. Don't much like the thought of that. Gives others the advantage._ If he had learned anything in this life, it was that it was best to keep your enemies from getting any advantage over you.

Eventually, though, those patterns had become less of an alarm and more of a comfort, a way to read the people around him whose lives he had come to value as much as-and, he sometimes worried, more than-his own. He slept best on nights when Zoe or Mal's paces passed his bunk every hour, secure in the knowledge that they, like him, were more sensitive to trouble than the others. Kaylee had developed a new note in her walk after Simon had come aboard, and before the Tams had been on Serenity a month he could tell how her romantic attempts were proceeding just from the sound of her climbing down the ladder into her bunk. Inara's mathematically measured stride had seemed cold to him, unchanging and bound, until he had heard the subtly reluctant dragging her feet did whenever she walked away from Mal.

He could remember how the approach of the other two had made him felt, too, if he wanted to. In the days after Miranda he had often indulged in those aural reveries, allowing himself to pretend that at any moment one of them would arrive in the room with some line or look that was so basic to their personality that no one else in the Verse could ever quite match it. He had only stopped the daydreams when he nearly blurted out in front of the entire remaining crew that they would have a better game of charades if they waited a few more seconds for Wash to arrive so he could do one of his funny animals. His lip had hurt for nearly a week where he'd bitten down on it to keep those awful words at bay, and testing the slight scar now with his tongue he was glad that he had been able to box up those memories and cache them away.

This one, though...she still managed to surprise him sometimes, when he wasn't paying attention all the way or when she was in a particularly crafty mood. _She's gotta know that I know how they all sound,_ he'd puzzled a few weeks earlier, deciding that she was altering her pattern on purpose after she'd imitated Kaylee so perfectly he'd jumped when it was her behind him and not the mechanic. _Well, least she ain't doing it right now. Walkin' like herself, being chased by her brother if I'm hearing right._

She cocked her head at him from the doorway, her expression twisted into a look of pure curiosity that sent shivers down his spine. "What're you starin' at, girl?" he asked, his voice rougher than he had intended it. _Can't hardly blame myself, though. Never know what that girl's plannin' to do til she's done it, and that look she's got on ain't exactly sunshine and rainbows._

"Quandary," she mused. "Levels she has not had the opportunity to consider before are unexpectedly open."

"...Mal doesn't lock any of the decks," he managed out of his confusion, assuming she was talking about having discovered some new part of the ship. As he spoke he glanced around to make sure there were no sharp objects within her reach.

"River, what-" Simon stopped behind her, his mildly annoyed focus traveling from her to Jayne and immediately deepening. As he considered the seated man, however, his look changed into one of profound disbelief. "Are you...reading?" he sputtered finally, crossing his arms.

"Yeah. So what?" Jayne challenged. "Ain't like I'm illiterate or somethin'," he added on in a mumble.

"No one would know that from the manner in which you comport yourself on a daily basis," Simon shot back. "Please tell me you haven't got one of my library in your no doubt filthy paws?"

"Wouldn't touch that _go se _you've got." _Not like I've ever seen you actually read anything 'sides a medical book since you got here, no matter how much you jaw on about this and that fella jawin' on about stuff that no one can prove one way or the other. _

"Good. I would greatly prefer that we keep things that way." He sniffed delicately and made to turn away, but the presence of something new on board the ship after three solid weeks in the Black was too much for him to ignore. "What are you reading, in any case?" he asked begrudgingly. _Perhaps if it sounds interesting I could persuade Kaylee to borrow it from him for me. There is no way I could ever ask to do so myself, of course. I wouldn't want to see the satisfaction in his eyes, knowing he had something I want._

"Ain't nothin' you'd ever understand," Jayne nearly snorted at him.

"I seriously doubt that you are capable of understanding something that I cannot. In fact, I suspect that the opposite is true."

"And you reckon I'm going to let you in on this here story now you've called me an idjit?" The mercenary scoffed. "Don't figure that'll be happening, Doc."

"Fine," Simon said haughtily after a second of slightly reticent silence. "I wasn't interested in any case. It's most likely just some variety of the usual smut you seem to revel in. If," he emphasized, "you're even reading it."

Jayne wasn't sure if Simon was suggesting that the thick sheaf of pages in his hands was full of pictures or if he was just trying to call him stupid again, but he knew he was being insulted. "Qu ni de," he retorted, reddening a bit as the surgeon continued to degrade his intelligence. _I ruttin' hate it when he treats me like I'm some sort of _bai chi_. Just cause I ain't as quick as him at schoolin' type stuff ain't no reason to be such an ass about it. I'm quick enough at other things to have saved his pansy hide more'n once. _He thought for a moment. _Reckon he's saved mine a time or two, too, but that ain't the point. I ain't the one callin' names. _

Finally seeing no reason to remain in the room, Simon prepared to exit. "Come on, River," he coaxed his sister. "There's another test I would like to run-"

"No." The refusal was flat, and left no room for argument. The surgeon sighed heavily.

"All right. We can perform the test tomorrow, then. But please come away from here." At the last he shot a heavy look towards Jayne, who sat quietly watching. _Away from him, and whatever he is pretending to do with that book._

"No." She craned her neck around to stare at her brother. "Curiosity did not kill the cat; the fault was in the cat's inattentiveness to it's surroundings." She paused, waiting for his resolve to crumble, and continued only when it became clear that he wasn't quite ready to leave her alone with him. _You must go,_ she thought anxiously. _There are too many questions. Too many emotions to be explored. He can't hide from me right now._ "The girl is always attentive to her surroundings," she tacked on, finally getting the reaction she wanted as his shoulders dropped in defeat.

"Very well. Don't stay too long in here, though, unless there's someone else with you."

Her nose wrinkled at him. "There already is," she reminded him, gesturing to the still unspeaking Jayne. "This is the safe room."

"For you, maybe," the seated man muttered, his eyes coursing along the wall where the kitchen knives had once hung. _Awfully glad Mal agreed to stick all that steel back in the drawers. Least now she's gotta make some sort of sound to get at them, maybe give a __person a bit of warning before they get stabbed at. Again._

"I'm not going to stab you. Again." Her words were crafted to purposefully echo the cadence of his last thought, and he made a face at her as he realized she had been doing her mental eavesdropping again. "Neither will he stab me," she told the still lurking Simon.

"I'm leaving," he said defensively, perturbed by her obvious desire to be free of his presence. "I was only concerned for your safety."

"Kaylee is in the engine room," River called after him. When he had faded into the distance enough, she stepped softly across the room and sat down, staring across the table. "It's a good story?"

Jayne shifted uncomfortably. _Now I suppose you're looking to make fun of me too, only you'll do it in more syllables than a person should rightly be able to pronounce._ "Ain't none of your business," he nearly whined, beginning to turn away. "I wasn't doing nothing to nobody, just sitting here. Wasn't even making noise."

She reached out and grabbed his wrist in an attempt to stop him from leaving. "Girl does not intend to convert the situation into a farce. She is merely interested in why you no longer have so many walls."

"Walls?" Not understanding her meaning, he faced her again, the thick book still clutched tightly in one hand. "What're you talking about?"

"Walls up here." Stretching across the table, she tapped his forehead before he could pull back. "And stronger ones here," she continued, her hand moving to briefly rest over his heart. "Not so strong right now. Your walls are down."

He blinked at her, clearly uncomfortable at the profundity-and truthfulness-of her words. "It is a good story," he allowed finally, determining to say nothing more on the subject as he hastily tried to reorganize the internal defenses whose current weakness she had noted. _Going to have to burn this thing,_ he thought regretfully. _And I ain't even half finished with it. Figures, every time a man gets something with some real pleasure attached it gets taken away practically before he can appreciate it._

"No!" she protested immediately. "No fire!"

"Gorram it, girl, you ain't supposed to read crew and you know it. Just...get out of my head. I didn't do nothing to you to deserve havin' all my private thoughts poked around in."

She pulled back a little, surprised at the honestly hurt look that he was trying so desperately to disguise as malice. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Girl didn't know. Please do not burn it, Jayne."

"Walls are put up for reasons, girlie," he lectured after a moment of contemplating her odd apology. "I got some real good reasons for mine. Reasons," he added hastily, "that ain't any of your business to be asking about or investigatin' in some other way. _Dong ma?"_

Biting at the inside of her cheek, she twisted her fingers around themselves, trying to decide if he would accept the bargain she was tempted to offer. "If girl does not intrude upon your cogitations, you will not burn the book?"

_Ain't a half bad deal._ She was grinning before he spoke the words cautiously out loud. "Minute I think you're trying to spy on my mind, I put a match to it," he warned. "No cheating."

"Girl will not intrude. No cheating," she repeated. _He did not ask for the definition of cogitation, yet past experience dictates that vocabulary of four syllables or more generally must be explained in his presence. _Her head bent inquisitively toward her shoulder again. _Perhaps he did not really need to be told what some of the other words meant, either?_ He had been perusing a rather weighty-looking tome, after all, and if the state of his mental and emotional bastions was any indication he had been quite lost in it's subject matter. She had liked the feelings that had been emanating from him; peace, a sense of connection and belonging, and that strange sense of loyalty she had sensed in him before only when his thoughts were highly concentrated on one of his two families. Quite simply, she realized, he had been greatly enjoying his reading matter, and she and Simon had interrupted his pleasure. Remembering how her brother had accused the mercenary of illiteracy, she pouted suddenly.

"What is it now?" Jayne asked, a note of irritation in his voice. _Reckon I had some thought or something what didn't sit right with her, and I'll be in the dog house all night on account of it. Seems it's always my ruttin' fault she's in my head, looking where she oughtn't. She goes all _feng leh _now and everyone'll just assume it was something I did. Ain't fair._

"Girl will not tell," she promised. "Girl is also sorry for Simon."

"What, Kaylee mad at him again for him doing something stupid?"

"No," she corrected, shaking her head. "Girl is sorry brother boob was mean."

"To Kaylee?" he asked suspiciously, his brow knitting as anger began to gather in his eyes.

"To you."

He froze at that. "Hell, girl, I don't listen to half of what he spits out anyway. Ain't got time to pay attention to what he thinks, and I wouldn't care much even if I did."

She knew it was a lie. She had sensed much too clearly the old pain that Simon's lashing words had riled up, and she suddenly understood that Jayne felt that pain at all times, although to varying degrees. He wasn't stupid, he'd just learned early on to carry a dumb look on his face as a way to protect himself, first from bigger and truly unintelligent children who saw him as a threat and later, when he was the big one, from those who knew that an intelligent mercenary was also an uncommonly dangerous one, and therefore too risky to keep around. Whatever was in that book he refused to release, it had made him drop the pretense he lived daily for the briefest of moments.

For some reason she could not fathom, she did not want him to put the mask back on. She did not want him to use her interruption and Simon's blunt bullying to close off once and for all whatever hidden door in the walls the book had managed to find. As smooth as life on the ship could be when Jayne was contented, she couldn't help but wonder at how it might be if he was allowed to be happy. "If the girl leaves you alone, you will keep going?"

"I dunno," he shrugged. "Maybe. Spell's kind of broken now."

"Not broken, just gone away, maybe? It could come back," she said hopefully.

"Maybe," he conceded, heaving a heavy sigh as he stood up. "I'll be in my bunk if anyone's asking after me."

"Jayne!"

He turned back to her, one eyebrow raised in question.

"Please don't burn it?" she begged.

He let his gaze fall to the item in his hand. "Don't reckon that'll be necessary," he agreed quietly before he vanished, heading off toward the crew quarters.

* * *

I promise more to come for those of you who want to know just what Jayne was reading. And for fans of Dear Ma, no worries; that story is still in full swing. This wild pony just ran by, and I couldn't help but grab on and go for a ride. As always, reviews are welcomed with open arms, appreciated loudly, fed cookies and overall adored. Thanks for reading!


	2. Questions

Mal's eyebrow arched inquisitively. "Uh, Jayne?" he queried as the mercenary stood up and moved to deposit his plate in the washer.

"Yeah?"

"Did I miss something, or did you not have seconds?" At that the others paused their myriad conversations and looked up at him, suddenly highly interested. Only River continued to tuck tiny bites languidly into her mouth. _Reckon she knows where this is going and figures she doesn't need to look like she's payin' attention,_ Jayne calculated.

"You didn't wait to see if I was gonna have leftovers neither," Kaylee chimed in, a faint expression of worry crossing her face as she peered at him. "You feeling right, Jayne?"

"'M perfectly fine," he grumbled back, perturbation growing at this weird exploration of his eating habits. "Ain't you all got better things to talk about than whether or not I went back for another helpin' a..." he scratched his head, eyes flickering at the pot that still bubbled slightly on the stove. "What was that, anyway?"

"What it was ain't the issue, normally," Mal pointed out.

"And even when it is, you don't normally ask until you've had at least two plates of it," Zoe added, throwing a slight grin in his direction.

"It ain't even that bad tonight." Now Kaylee was frowning at him, clearly concerned about both his food intake and his attempt to dodge their questions. "You sure you ain't feeling poorly?"

"I said I'm fine, didn't I? _Ai ya,_ what do you people do, keep a log a how much everybody eats?" _It's boring out in the Black sometimes, but I ain't never been __that__ out of things to do._ "I just ain't that hungry tonight. That a problem?"

The others exchanged glances, then the captain shrugged slightly and turned back to his own food. "I suppose there's no problem so long as you don't start dropping weight. Don't have any particular use for a scrawny gun hand."

"I seriously doubt that Jayne is in any danger of losing muscle mass simply from lessening his caloric intake at one meal," Simon contributed, his visage turning confused when Kaylee shot him a look.

"That ain't the point," she insisted. "You sure you ain't caught something? I mean, I know you're careful and all when we're dirtside, but-"

"_Ye su_, girl!" Jayne exclaimed. "I ain't sick, all right?"

"It's been three weeks since we were last on solid ground," Simon observed. "Ample time for anything you may have picked up to incubate. There are several diseases that start to show symptoms approximately 21 days after infection. Perhaps after dinner we ought to test you for-"

"You ain't testin' me for nothin' cause I ain't got nothing," Jayne interrupted him. "Anything I might a caught off a woman's had longer than three weeks to stew, in any case, so you're wrong, Doc. I ain't sick." He didn't realize he'd said anything strange until he noticed that they were all staring at him again, River included.

"You saying you didn't catch some trim back on that moon? Cause I'd have sworn I saw you duck inside a cathouse," the captain said pointedly.

"Just cause I ducked inside don't mean I touched nothing. What in the hell business is it of yours, anyway?"

"The wellbeing of my crew," Mal informed him tersely, "is entirely my business. Skipping a chance to spend the night with a half-decent looking woman ain't normal behavior for you, Jayne, and we all know it."

"When was the last time, anyway?" Kaylee asked, a new note of interest in her voice as she leaned forward over the table. Inara, seated across from Mal, blushed over her tea at the question.

"Ain't no reason for me to tell you that," Jayne complained, his fingers so tight on his plate that he feared he might break it. _How in the hell am I supposed to explain that I ain't hardly been in the mood for trim since Miranda? It just don't seem all that important anymore. If I go telling it's been near three and a half months since I went after a whore, they'll all be trying to pick my brain apart. Got enough of that going on already just from Crazy, don't need the rest of 'em starting in, too._

"Normally you would be crowing about your conquests," Simon needled him. "Something has clearly changed, because lately I've only wanted to deafen myself about half as much as usual during mealtimes. I must have been enjoying the semi-civility so much that I failed to pinpoint what caused it."

"He's right," Zoe agreed. "You've never been a terribly talkative person, but when it comes to raunchiness, you're usually dependable."

Jayne's head was spinning. _I just wanted to get back to my gorram book, _he bemoaned. _I don't really want to have to tell 'em that part, though. Lucky enough that Simon seems to have forgotten and Crazy ain't mentioned it._ "Look, I feel fine," he said defensively, glaring at each of them in turn. "Just got things to do in my bunk is all."

Mal's face froze for an instant. "Should have just said that five minutes ago!" he exclaimed. "Could have saved us all this wrangling around if you'd just said you were going to your bunk."

"Reckon there ain't nothing wrong with you after all," Kaylee teased him gently, laughing a bit. "You sure had us going, though."

He shook his head, frustrated. "I ain't-" Seeing that they were satisfied, though, he decided to leave it be. _Do they really think all I do down there is jerk off? Just cause I want to have a little space to myself ain't no reason to make someone out as a pervert._ More than a little hurt, he quickly slipped his dishes into the washer and left the room.

"What do you suppose set him off?" Kaylee asked jokingly when he'd disappeared around the corner.

"I would rather not ponder such a thing," Inara commented, her slight shudder matching Mal's grimace at the double meaning of Kaylee's words.

River suddenly threw her fork at the table, her head snapping up angrily. "Just stop it!" she said fiercely. All five of the others stilled in shock, staring with wide eyes at the utensil that had been planted tines-first in the thick wood. When the handle finally stopped visibly vibrating from the force of the throw, Simon tried to speak.

"River, what-"

"No," she cut him off. "You're all being mean."

"We were just worried cause he was actin' funny, honey," Kaylee tried to explain. "He think we're being mean to him?" River just pouted back at her.

"Stop giving him new bricks," she ordered huffily.

"Bricks? River, I think you need a dose of-"

"If he puts the mask back on now, he will never take it off again. Don't you see that?" she begged, knowing her opportunity was slipping through her fingers. _If Simon drugs me, word will get back to him that I caused a scene. He will perceive that they are holding my retrograde behavior against him, and he will wall the gates. He may burn the book, believing that I have broken our deal by involving the others._ She could not let that happen; the complex person she had glimpsed earlier was the most fascinating thing she had stumbled upon in a very long time, and she would not be kept from exploring it further. She also wanted to know what was in that book that had held him so riveted. "I do not require an injection," she said as evenly as she could, hoping it would keep her brother in his seat.

"Why are you standing up for him?" the doctor pressed, concerned.

"He was flat before. The scenery has changed."

"What is she saying?" Mal asked impatiently.

"Jayne's changed," Kaylee mused, playing with her water glass. "No trim...doesn't want to talk about anything...even I ain't hardly seen him lately. Just been keeping to himself."

"Awful odd." Mal tried to think back to just before Ariel. _Was he quieter than usual right before? Don't really remember. But River sure as hell wasn't defending him then, and she wouldn't be now if he was..._ He shook himself, self-loathing rising in his gut. _He ain't planning anything. He wouldn't do that, not after everything this motley group's been through together. Reckon he's as likely to turn on us now as he would be to shoot his own ma in the face. _Looking up from the table again, he found River watching him, nodding slightly.

"Maybe he really is ill," Simon offered contemplatively.

"Simon!" Kaylee lectured, kicking him under the table.

"I didn't say I wanted him to be sick, only that he may be. Not necessarily with any sort of...social disease...but possibly with something else. Something that carries a change in personality as a symptom."

Zoe shifted uncomfortably at that. "Like what?" she ventured. _Something serious enough to be changing his personality could be fatal. Last thing we need is to lose someone else._

"Well...the first thing that leaps to mind is a brain tumor-ow!" he exclaimed as the mechanic seated next to him punched his shoulder, a mixture of a scowl and a look of horror plastered across her face.

"That's a terrible thought, Simon Tam!"

"I was just beginning a list of possible medical causes of personality changes. I for one hope that it isn't a brain tumor," he added. "He has little enough functional gray matter that he can't afford to lose any."

At that quip, Kaylee stood up silently, picked up her plate, and moved around and down the table to seat herself between Zoe and Inara. "I told you I don't like to be around you when you're making fun of him. Told him the same thing about you." Her eyes glittered. "Never would a figured I'd be movin' away from you first."

"Kaylee - look, it isn't necessarily a tumor. It could be any one of a myriad of diseases, some communicable, some inherited. The cause could be environmental, genetic...any number of things can cause a sudden shift in personality. The problem," he continued, turning towards Mal, "is finding out which one of that wide field of possibilities is actually affecting him, if anything is," he tacked on with a significant glance toward Kaylee, who merely frowned at him. "Unless you order him to let me test him, you know he won't go along with it."

"Well...if he's sick, we need to know." _I sure as hell don't want him dropping dead out of nowhere, especially if it's something that can be fixed. _His next thought echoed Zoe's. _Last thing we need would be to lose someone else._

"Thank you. I don't know how I'm going to get a head scan, though..."

"He does not have a tumor," River declared, crossing her arms petulantly.

"You'd think if he did, she would know," Zoe pointed out, a tiny wave of relief washing over her at River's determined statement.

"Yes, I suppose, but..." Simon stuttered to a stop. "Well, I'm only the doctor, so by all means feel free to disregard my ideas on the subject. What do _you _think it is, River?" he asked pugnaciously, a rare streak of sibling rivalry showing through. Everyone else stared at him for a moment until his sister spoke.

"I am uncertain. I need to examine him at greater length in his current state." She rose, looking annoyed when Simon and Mal both stood to follow her. "Alone," she stated emphatically. _He will not talk about it in front of you, that much is evident from his behavior a short time ago._

"You were alone with him long enough earlier today," Simon countered. Epiphany dawned on his face. "We came across him this afternoon, here in the dining room," he shared. "He had a book with him. He said he was reading, if you can believe that." He resumed his seat with a thud, his expression growing thoughtful. "Maybe he really _does _have a brain tumor..." As he trailed off, Kaylee launched a flaccid green bean at him. "What was that for?" he sputtered, wiping at his face disgustedly.

"He ain't illiterate," she retorted, her face flushed with anger.

"I never said that he was!"

"You did imply it," Inara pointed out quietly. _I am a bit surprised at the report that he may have been reading something more than a dirty magazine, however._

"Jayne ain't exactly the reading type, though," Mal countered. "Seems a little off that he's all of a sudden started taking an interest in literature."

"As I said, a brain scan-"

"There is no tumor!" River shouted.

"Then what _is _going on?" the captain demanded. "I'd like to know if all of a sudden my mercenary's going to start waxing philosophical on a job. Gives me a chance to pack ear plugs."

"I have to see behind the walls," River insisted, speaking only to Mal now. "He keeps them up when he is with others, especially when he feels he is being interrogated. I must be alone with him."

"What makes you think he's going to talk to you?" he asked. "Not too long ago it seemed you and him were never going to get along."

"I have walls, too," she stated simply. "And he is interested in seeing my maps of his territory. Also, we spoke earlier. If Simon had not upset him, he might have shared more then."

"What'd you say earlier?" Kaylee immediately demanded of the doctor. _You better not a said nothin' mean. Just cause he don't show 'em all the time don't mean he ain't got feelings._

"Nothing!"

"Liar," River smirked. "It hurt," she informed the mechanic. "But it always hurts, so I do not know why the pain should have made a difference to him. This is what I hope to find out," she addressed to Mal. "If I know why he hurts, perhaps he can be fixed. If he is broken at all." Seeing their doubtful looks at her last statement, she raised and dropped one shoulder. "Perhaps he is just Jayne, and we have been treating him like he was broken when he was not." _Much like the girl. Not broken, just experienced._

"Just...just figure out if something's wrong with him, all right?" Mal allowed finally. "And if he's sick, tell him he's to find the Doc first thing in the morning, and do whatever he's told to do. Otherwise he'll be dealing with me, and I'll be carrying something a bit bigger than a needle."

"The girl will relay the message, if necessary." Dazzling them all with one of her rare fleeting smiles, she skipped away happily toward the crew dorms, intent on her mission. As she went she checked her arsenal, hoping that she could wield it effectively against the worthiest opponent she had met since escaping the Academy. _It will be pleasant to acquire new information. It's been so long since there was any worth having..._


	3. To Dance, Perchance to Deal

It was so easy to read him when he was like this, but she didn't dare. The effort of holding back her own mind drew beads of sweat out on her brow as she approached his bunk. _So warm and welcoming right now,_ she moaned mentally. The aura the unusually contented mercenary was emanating made her want to curl up beside him and just soak in the tranquility. Knocking on the hatch to his bunk, she swallowed heavily. _He will burn it,_ she reminded herself, using the threat to keep the need to scan his mind at bay. _There will be no more happiness if he burns it._

"What d'you want?"

"No fire, Jayne," she called out in response. The mood she couldn't help but feel – _it fills the hallway, not the girl's fault if he fills the whole ship with himself_ – carried a momentary trace of annoyance as he left whatever world the book had between it's covers and moved to let her in. She dropped down easily and stood by, waiting for him to seal the gap behind her. When he moved instead to sit back down on his bed, she frowned. "The door is open."

"Reckon I'm less likely to get spaced this way." His hand caressed the closed volume, half hidden amongst his covers, ensuring that it was close by. "You wanted somethin'?"

"They know I am here, with you. Alone."

He raised an eyebrow. "You 'spect me to believe no one thought that was a bad idea?"

"The girl explained." Now that he was no longer actively ensconced in another world, it was easier for her to control herself, and she allowed her eyes to wander around the room. "They think you have an intracranial neoplasm," she informed him. Seeing his highly confused expression, she simplified. "Simon believes you may have a brain tumor."

Jayne scowled. "Reckon he'd like that." Watching her narrowly as she examined his personal space, he fidgeted, then ventured another question. "I ain't got one, do I?"

She scowled at him. "Of course not."

"...Would you really know if'n a person did have one?"

"It seems feasible. Your thought patterns might alter themselves in accordance with the new structure." Finished with her assessment of the bunk, she let her gaze fall back onto him. "The girl has been very good," she announced.

"...Huh?"

"She has tried very hard not to go inside of you."

"...You ain't been readin' me?"

"No."

"Good." He visibly relaxed. "Hate ta have to burn this," he continued, fingers running down the page edges.

"She can sense your hesitation," River said after a short silence.

"Thought you weren't reading me, girl," he snapped, glaring.

"Reading is unnecessary when you foist your emotions upon her," she shot back, crossing her arms.

"Well 'scuse me for living. I suppose it'd be easier on ya if I just stopped feelin' anything at all."

His anger was palpable, but she could not pinpoint it's source without exploring where she had sworn not to go. "I don't know!" she half-shouted back, frustrated at her situation. _Want to go deeper, but access will be cut off if I do_. _He's too strong to go farther without permission...How does one entice him to allow entrance to an outsider?_

"Well..." he trailed off, her use of the first person having caught him by surprise. _Why in the hell am I still talking to her? _He wondered even as he spoke. _Ain't like this is gonna go anywhere trouble, and I know it. Still...she's funny today. _"Mebbe I don't like bein' the one who ain't supposed to feel anything all the time." _Now why in the hell did I tell her that? Ain't easy to be mean all the time, but she ain't exactly the most logical choice for soul-spillin'._ His brow furrowed in thought. _Is she?_

She had seated herself on the mattress beside him almost before he finished his thought. "This is a good book," she stated, picking it up without opening it.

"How d'you know, if you ain't read it?"

"It makes you feel happy." He said nothing. "She likes it when you are happy."

"...Why?"

"She doesn't know. You just...feel good. The missing piece appears, and the Jayne-puzzle is complete." She looked up, and found him staring at her, an odd expression on his face. "I like the real Jayne. The whole Jayne. He does not come to visit often enough." Handing him the heavy work, she smiled. "You need more books."

"Don't know where to even start lookin' to find something else like this, girl," he told her quietly as he took the book. "It's a rare one. Dunno myself where ma found it, just said she thought I'd like it so she was sending it along."

"...Will you share it?"

A possessive look stole over his face. "Man like me don't get many fine things in life. Makes it hard for a person to let the few things he does get see much of the light a day. Wants to protect what little he's got."

"You don't have to give it away to share it."

His gaze turned quizzical. "How're they goin' to read it if I don't give it to them?"

"You can share it with the girl," she whispered. "I don't have to hold it. I can watch the movie."

He scratched his head, his eyes traveling back and forth between River and the gift from his mother. "You mean...you'd be readin' me while I was reading this here?"

"The girl could watch the movie," she nodded eagerly.

"I don't...I don't reckon that's a very good idea," he declined slowly. _Who knows where you'll slip off to in my head while I'm distracted and you're already inside. Too many nasty things up there nobody ought to see. I ain't taking that chance, no way. Not when there are a million billion ways it could go wrong._

Her face crumbled, tears welling up. _Need an escape, want to see behind your walls...you are too good at this game, Jayne Cobb._ Unable to stand the pressure of his emotions mixed with her own wants, she released her abilities and found that his walls were more dilapidated than ever, crumbling on all sides, allowing her easy access to his current concerns. Finding the source of his uncertainty, she cocked her head to the side. "The girl does not care how slowly you read. And she will not go where she is not wanted."

"Gorram it, girl, I can't do it with you sittin' right there!" he exclaimed, ignoring the fact that she was clearly reading him.

"I can be in another room," she insisted. "I will be a ghost."

His face paled a little. "That ain't funny."

"She did not mean it like that," she explained as thoughts of Book and Wash ran through his mind. "You would not know I was there." While he contemplated that, she considered his reaction a moment before. "You do not wish the girl dead?"

"Want – huh?"

"You used to."

"You see!" he exploded, leaping up from the bed. "This is why you ain't supposed to be reading crew! Ain't no call to be looking at that! It ain't..." He trailed off, staring at her from across the room. _It ain't what?_ He asked himself. _It ain't her business? It was all about her, and a little bit of him, but mostly her crazy ass makin' us all the more like to get caught. It ain't..._ He searched for the right word. _It ain't pertinent. Not now it ain't, on account of I wouldn't do it again. _Finally he just sighed and closed his eyes. "It don't matter in any case, Crazy. Not unless you want it to, in which case ya might as well just use that brain a yours to kill me instead of just threatening it all the time."

"The girl would not kill you. Not now."

"Why in the hell not, knowin' what you know now?"

"There is more behind your walls than betrayal. There always have been. The others simply cannot see it."

"Yeah, I reckon there's plenty of blood, sex and money in there, too."

"More," she persisted, shaking her head at him. "Much more."

"Anything I put in there I've done long forgotten about. Don't really care to find out about it now."

"Liar."

"What'd you call me?!"

"If you didn't care, you wouldn't be so happy reading this book."

"You don't even know what it's about!" he complained. "For all you know it's a book on sexin' for Companions, and I'm just readin' it to get my rocks off!"

"You are a different kind of happy when you do that," she announced.

"Oh, ruttin' hell, I'm gonna have to quit doing that too, now?"

"Happy is happy, except when it's not," River shrugged back at him. "Jayne?"

"What is it?"

"We could speak nicely, like we did earlier." It was a suggestion, he knew, but the way she said it made it sound more like an ultimatum.

"Ain't we talkin'?"

"We are arguing. This afternoon was different." Without asking, she dipped quickly back into his memories. "The girl stood up for you today."

"Yeah," he admitted finally, fidgeting.

"You trusted her?"

"I dunno. Mebbe. Mebbe not," he added quickly.

"But not now," she said sadly, her mouth trembling.

He pursed his lips tightly. _What's she doing, cryin'? Well, that's just all sorts a shiny,_ he thought sarcastically. "Look, Crazy, I...ah, _go se._" _Just don't like the thought that you can see in my head all the time. Got things I like to keep to myself, things I ain't never told nobody. Don't like people poking around in there, tryin' to find out what I've got hidden._

"We had a deal," she recalled slowly as she discerned his reasons for wanting privacy.

"I'm still holdin' my end," he pointed out, afraid she was about to accuse him of breaking their verbal agreement. "It's right there next to you."

"...Perhaps you would be interested in entering into a second contract?"

_Contractin'? Reckon I can haggle pretty good, now she ain't got me in so much of a corner._ "What're you thinking?"

"The girl will call off the siege on your fortress, and will retreat to an acceptable distance."

"Meaning what, exactly?"

"She will only read what you are displaying so vividly that it is blatantly obvious to everyone. If she uncovers information that you do not wish to be revealed to others, she will ask your permission before doing so, and will abide by your desires in said matters."

"So...you'd just be feelin' what I was feeling, but not trying to figure out why I was feeling that way?"

"Generally, yes, that would be the term. Exceptions would be made for emergencies, naturally."

"...And what've I got to give up to get that kind a peace?" he asked suspiciously, raising one eyebrow and crossing his arms in front of him.

"You do not give up anything," she allayed. "Your only duty would be friendship."

He boggled at her. "You want me...to be your friend?" When she nodded, he just looked more confused. "What in the hell do you want someone as screwed up as me as a friend for?"

"Depth," she replied, giving him a look that suggested he shouldn't have needed to ask.

Choosing to let that particular cryptic statement go by, he inquired further. "What've I got to do to be your...friend? I ain't doing nothing what will get me in trouble, now."

"We could talk like this afternoon."

"Talk about what?"

"You do not want me reading you while you read, and per the terms of our agreement I would not anyway," she replied brusquely, all business now that she could sense that he was intrigued by her suggestion. "But perhaps you could tell the girl about the story after you have read it?"

"And what're we gonna do when I finish reading it?"

"Perhaps other topics will present themselves. In case they do not, we could agree to reexamine this contract after we have discussed the conclusion of the story." Standing, she strode over to him, holding her hand rigidly out in front of her. "Agreed?"

He chewed at his lip. "There ain't no hidden, whatchacallit, clauses or nothing? No sneaky bits I don't know about?"

"None whatsoever. The girl and the man called Jayne shall enter into the contract precisely as it has been stated here."

"So...you quit reading me, and all I got to do is tell you about that story I'm reading?"

"Correct. Although the girl would appreciate it if you called her by her name sometimes, as well."

"I reckon I can do that, so long's you promise you ain't gonna come at me with nothing sharp or explosive."

"So long as the girl is in charge of her faculties, she agrees to the additional terms as addendums to the basic tenets."

"Well...all right." As soon as he shook her hand, the business air vanished, and the slip of a woman skipped gaily back to the bed. Curling up against the wall, she held the book out to him. "What, you want to start now?"

"You have read nearly a third of the story, and are at the end of a chapter. This is the perfect time to catch the girl up."

"How do you know where I am? I don't mark the pages."

"She saw before you agreed to the second contract."

Barely keeping his mouth from quirking with laughter – _sneaky little wench -_ Jayne sat on the opposite end of the bed . "Why do I get the feeling I'm gonna be hearing that a lot after this?"

"Perhaps you are mildly clairvoyant." She grinned at the stream of curses this response invoked. "What is the basic premise of the story, please?"

"Well...it's sort of realistic, like maybe it really happened kind of like in the story. Takes place on Earth-That-Was, right, and there's these people who are exploring this place they've never been to before, meeting the folks who already live there, finding all these animals they ain't never seen, basically trying to just get on with life in this strange land they've ended up in. Now there's more people starting to show up from other places, right, and they want to settle there to on account of it's a real nice place, but there's starting to be all sorts of problems with the people who lived there before and with the people still living back where all the new people are from..." He trailed off, running out of words for what he'd read. "That's about as far as I've got. Reckon there's got to be some sort of battle or something coming up, so many people all squished together and wanting the same land." Seeing her disappointment at his lack of detail, he frowned. "I never said I was any good at this," he said defensively.

She sighed. "It's all right. You will get better at it." _When you trust me more, you will be much more expansive._ She knew how well he could picture it; she had seen the way the story unfolded itself in his head earlier that day, and she had sensed that he had the ability to verbalize what he had visualized. "Your mask is just sticky because you never take it off." _When it is loose enough and you can take it off without discomfort, perhaps then you will let me see more of what you hide behind the walls. _He was, she had to concede, incredibly good at keeping foes from entering the fortress, even when there were virtually no defenses remaining. Sheer will power drove him in those moments, and she felt a welling of respect for his remarkable capabilities in functioning under such conditions.

_ Maybe,_ she thought later as she headed towards her bed, _once time has passed, he will deign to share with someone he considers a friend. _Walking down the hall, she allowed her tightly reined abilities to linger on the emotions he put out as he settled back down to read, reconnecting with the characters he liked and finding in a world long dead things that reminded him of what he treasured, deep down in the most secret passageways of his being. It was a hard story, she realized, a tale of loss and defeat and pain, but that suited the life he had led. It was also a purely human story, woven through with love and honor, loyalty and pride, all of which were things Jayne held to be of high importance even when he seemed to scorn them. _How much of what he hides is made of those things? _she wondered. _How much agony must practicing them have led him to for him to feel the need to bury them deep inside? _

There were darker corridors in the mind of Jayne Cobb than she would ever have imagined existed, hiding in their shadows neglected monsters nearly as hideous as her own. Someday, she hoped, they would walk those halls together, discovering those things that they had both forgotten. _Especially the love, _she decided, snuggling deep under her blankets and pressing her back against the wall just so there would be a solid weight there.

Maybe, just maybe, they could remind each other how much pain that particular emotion was worth.

Well, that went in a Raynier direction than it started out as in my head, but oh well. Thanks so much to those of you who have been waiting for the conclusion to this for several months; hopefully you enjoyed the ride. Thanks to all for reading, and remember, reviews are the fuel to an author's fire.


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